@RegGuy

I hear you, and the same situation exists wrt racism. People of color say they get a ton of racist interactions, but I don't see it, so don't respond.

I think three things are going on:
1. There are things that *I* don't perceive as racist/sexist, but are experienced as such by the target. That bc the perpetrator is modulating to escape detection
2. There are things that I haven't realized are racist and sexist, and I need to educate myself
3. I am not in those environments
@bob @vkc

@vkc Very sorry this happened! ️

Unfort it does matter on what instance one is since the blocklists are tied to instances and not federated

There is a very dark corner in the Fedi and those domains should be blocked on instance level by default

We started out with a long list, after 6 years its only gotten longer and longer but its needed, very much

@vkc Well, that's disappointing. Sorry you had to do that. I do what I can when I see it, but of course I'm only one person.

@vkc oh JFC. I am sorry.

@byrnensorg there's good reason for a lot of anger at some things. The problems have always been here too, but due to active moderation and the nature of federation, it can be less visible (except to the people who get sucker-punched).

Also, the only way we keep Fedi from becoming Twitter is by believing the victims instead of the trolls.

@vkc

@mloxton There is an excellent book, "How to Be an Antiracist," by Ibram X. Kendi. Sexism has become a more difficult thing, as in some cases, it's in the eye of the recipient. I take anything like a slight only because they are the opposite sex to be sexism; that goes both ways. I think there is a lot of overt sexism that's easy to spot. If someone is harassing another, that's not necessarily sexism, but certainly harassment, and occurs more toward women than men, to be sure. @bob @vkc

@vkc Very sorry to hear you are experiencing this. It's not ok.

@vkc +1000000

@alice @vkc There was some threads this week that could've benefitted from an angry dome.

@vkc Hugs if you want them, a nod if you don't. Sorry you had to endure that bullshit again.

@vkc I will never understand why some people just love to be shitheads.

@alice @semitones @vkc I think that is the post I saw that made me want to follow you, Alice!

@vkc is it coming from the same server? If so, i'd make a #fediblock post

@RegGuy
At risk of flooding out Veronica's voice here (a real risk and also sexism), yeah, the overt "hey you b*tch" stuff is easy to spot.
More difficult is the coded stuff. Using innocent words to highlight "feminine" vs "masculine" aspects
Even more difficult is noticing undue focus, undue exclusion, and seemingly automatic assumptions that a woman should be more caring or gentle, or be the default peacemaker, etc.

It takes a lot of work, persistence, and attention

@bob @vkc

@moondog548 as one of their peers, you can have a huge impact on toxic behavior in 3-5 simple words:

"Dude, not cool."
"What the fuck, man?"
"Hey, that was fucked up."

Pick whatever variation works best for your peer group, and snap back with it as soon as the bullshit leaves their mouth. Be upset and make it uncomfortable for a moment. Don't let them brush it off as a joke.

@Aprazeth @vkc

@alex02 @vkc what are you even on about

@vkc Goddammit. Men suck (as a man).

@moondog548 @alice @vkc

There are differing styles of communication and personalities to take into account, so don't necessarily use these as-is. Adapt to your situation/style/personality

Some examples to get started (for the edgy remark retorts)

- Not cool dude
- that's fucked up
- ask them to explain what they meant, make them explain their "edgy" stuff

But above all, be the better example. Support women, POC, LGBTQ, and *believe them* when they call out stuff

@moondog548 @alice @vkc

And keep in mind: some men will just be monsters. No amount of social pressure or calling out will work on them as they keep making those remarks

In those instances - ostracize them from your life, and warn others. Do not accept them as "quirky but harmless". Because it will escalate, and will draw in others. That will prompt "but he says it, and it's accepted so I should be able to say it as well"

> Silence now is implied endorsement later.